Part 2 – Step 9: Amends & Forgiveness

Living Amends VS. Direct Amends

I have found that the more times I do the steps and come around to Step Nine, the less I have to make actual amends and the more I make living amends. Living amends means that you don’t actually go to someone to admit your wrongs and apologize. Instead, you work on changing the defect through your actions.

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Part 1 – Step 9: Amends & Forgiveness

Step Nine is often thought of as a chilling and challenging step that people want to avoid, just like Step Four. Yet, moving through this step can provide another level of relief and spiritual growth that keeps us in recovery.

Principles of DA

In addition to the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, did you know that there are 12 principles of our program? These were developed by various members of Alcoholics Anonymous and provide a guidepost for practicing the opposite of your defects.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the other side of resentment. But what about when we say that we forgive, but we don’t forget?

I don’t really see how I can forgive without forgetting. If I keep remembering, then I stoke the flames of resentment. On the other hand, if someone is toxic for us to be around, we MUST remember so as not to fall prey to becoming involved again. In that case, maybe the remembering must be hand-in-hand with compassion and we simply take the right action of distance from the person. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to keep someone in our life. it means that we are relieved of the albatross of resentment and time we spend ruminating on the past.

Resentment & Forgiveness

I have been in 12 step programs since 1985. I have over 20 years sober from alcohol, 14.5 years back to back abstinence from compulsive eating, and 3.5 years back to back abstinence from compulsive debting and spending.