Do I deserve that?

What constitutes a luxury?

I was surprised that I came up against this issue the other day when I was buying clothes. This is embarrassing to confess, but I have slept in clothes for decades. Since I pretty much just wear sweats and t-shirts, I usually end up sleeping in them. But I’ve longed for nightgowns and pajamas, yet felt they were frivolous luxuries. I thought that if I have a limited amount of money for clothing, it needs to be spent on clothes used in the world, not to just slip into bed wearing.

But the other day, when I went clothes shopping, I realized how much I’ve yearned for these items. I found some nightwear that I absolutely loved. While they were each far more than the day wear I bought, I was ecstatic that I gave myself permission to buy them.

And another confession. I love socks. I wear them day and night (my feet are always cold!). But I decided that I would splurge on bedtime socks, meaning buying colorful thinner socks as opposed to my standard thick white cotton.

That night, changing out of my clothes (and socks) into my nighttime wear, I realized that this is a ritual that is actually important. There is a shift that happens between day and night and that changing into special clothing is a lovely gift for a relaxing night.

I imagine, to many of you, this all seems silly because you have always worn nighttime clothing. But I’ll bet we each have something in our recovery that may seem frivolous or too much. The point is that by not living in disease with money, splurging and debting constantly or, alternatively, hoarding and being terrified about spending any money, we are able to incorporate those items that once seemed out of reach or too luxurious for us to deserve. We are now able, in recovery, to begin to reach for what we desire in a sane and sober manner.

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