I wanted to write about this because it is something I feel strongly about. This topic may seem petty to a newcomer, but I am hoping to clarify why this is such an important part of recovery.
You may have discovered that it is difficult to find a sponsor. That is because there are a growing number of people discovering the H.O.W. approach to the DA tools and each person who is able to sponsor can only sponsor a few people due to time constraints.
Fifteen minutes may seem like a pittance, but in today’s world of busy lives, especially in the morning, when children need tending or work may be calling, it is a significant chunk of time. Remember, there is at least one 15 minute call TO a sponsor and a 15 minute call FROM each sponsee. So we are now talking about at least half an hour if a sponsor has only one sponsee (and most have more than one).
We sponsor as a service both for others and ourselves. We who are sponsors know that we must give back what we have been given and so we do this service gratefully.
However, again, I urge you to think about the fact that sponsors make time in their morning to provide this service, despite other pressures calling them. I literally keep an alarm to remind me that I will be getting a call. I plan my day around a sponsee call. I sit by the phone waiting and put off other tasks.
If I can do this, I believe that sponsees can have the same respect for my time that I have for theirs. I will wait up to five minutes for the call. After that, I will go about my day and if the sponsee calls after that, I may not be able to take the call.
Worse, I have had sponsees simply not call for a day or more, having some excuse or other. We have all overslept on occasion, but when missing the call becomes a habit for various reasons, it is taking advantage of the help being extended.
And if this happens more than two or three times, I can no longer sponsor the person as it tweaks my own recovery and my belief in respect for others’ time.
I have seen that time issues often accompany money issues. I’m not sure why. Just as we gain clarity and become responsible with money, I believe it is vital to become responsible about time and there is no better place to start than ensuring that you call at the time given you by a sponsor. Trust me when I say that if you don’t care enough to do so, there are a dozen others desperate for that help who will call on time. I, myself, have issues with time and that is why I set alarms to ensure I am there for my sponsees and my own sponsor.
I, too, have had times where I have missed a call … both to and from sponsees. No one among us is perfect. What I am talking about is a pattern of missing calls or calling late. It is a good practice to call on time, a way of practicing humility and commitment to your recovery.
So, I hope you will make this small kindness of calling your sponsor on time part of your daily program of recovery from compulsive debting.